I want to share with you our 100% Love campaign and how this came about.
I have been doing a lot of reflecting on love and particularly self-love, in the last two years. I’ve had some significant changes in my personal life. I separated from my husband two years ago just at the start of COVID, which was incredibly difficult because we’d been together for 23 years and family is my number one value. My family always comes first in everything.
That caused me a lot of pain and it was actually very traumatic if I’m totally honest. My mental health was rocked. Then we went into COVID for two years where I didn’t receive a huge amount of support. I was left to deal with the aftermath of what happens in absence of love, both from a partner and for yourself, which is a lot of fear that caused a lot of pain and suffering, largely generated by, well, completely generated by my own thinking and my own mind because, of course, the reality of all situations is that we are present in the now and any stories that come into our mind either are rumination from the past or fear and anxiety and control about the future. I was forced, really, to take a huge, huge, deep dive into self-love.
I’ve always been an advocate, as you know, of self-love, because love creates love. When I was married and when I had my children, I experienced high levels of self-love because I was very confident in being a mother. I love being a parent. Rather than draining me, being with my children really energised me because I got to be very playful and joyous and curious and experience the wonder of life, which really boosted my energy, and connected me with my creativity, which meant that my life felt very easy and in flow. Even though I had three children under three-and-a-half, it “should” have, perhaps, been challenging or difficult and I didn’t have a lot of support but becoming a child again enabled me to harness my inner joy and also find my connection to myself.
I didn’t have a particularly playful childhood myself. My parents are amazing but they’re not particularly tactile. I was a bit touch deprived when I was a child. When I had my children, it was an opportunity to have cuddles as much as they wanted them and I could hold them and they were also holding me. I felt really, really good. As my children all got older, they’re now 20, 18 and 16, we still have lots of cuddles and we definitely are very, very connected. But it is a different dynamic obviously. And now my husband’s not here as well so, I’ve had to take this deep dive into self-love.
What I discovered was that a lot of the barriers I had to truly loving myself came from my childhood and the stories that I took on, both from my home environment and very much at school.
I was bullied when I was at school between the ages of 13 and 14, quite dramatically. I was in a lot of fear particularly travelling to and from school where I would be regularly spat at and had my bag taken. I’d be called names, tripped up, that sort of thing. And then I’d get to school and I’d definitely be singled out and isolated pretty much every day. And I loved school so much and that’s why it hurt me because I love learning. I still do now. School became a very unsafe place for me and it was dreadful because I had no one to talk to, no one to turn to. I didn’t feel I could confide in my teachers or in my parents. At that time, in my friendship group, my best friend had just left school to go to Hong Kong. So, the friendship I built up in the first two years of secondary school disappeared. I was really, really on my own.
I know that I’ve got a lot of limiting stories from this period of time, which have a narrative around me feeling that I’m not lovable, I’m not enough, I’m not worthy and that I have to do things to please people and then I get more love. I’m being really frank and honest here. These are the stories that have been going through my head and they’ve really affected me and how I have expressed myself, particularly in romantic relationships, the most intimate of them all. As a mother, I’m really confident. As a friend, I think I’m a badass. In business, in terms of Blossom & Baby, I absolutely love it. In intimate relationships, I have struggled in the past.
I realise that this narrative that gets into our heads is really very, very destructive and it keeps us in a prison because it’s our own thoughts that do this to us. It’s our own voice that judges us. Everything that is happening is a result of this inner dialogue that we’re having with ourselves that is telling us lies that are built on fear and the idea that we are separate from others and we must compete in order to get love, or to be successful, or to feel worthy.
Because I’ve identified what this root cause is for me, I was trying to think of why does this happen? Because, ultimately, love is the strongest power on earth. It’s connecting. It’s high frequency. We feel it when we feel love for ourselves or if we’re in awe of nature or through creativity or through a relationship, we have a sense of returning to our source energy. It feels like being in the presence of God. It’s a highly spiritual and energetic experience. Those high emotions that we feel, they’re beautiful and energising and bring out all of our joyful qualities.
If the root of this narrative comes from childhood and we know that love is so powerful, why are we not giving our babies 100% love?
Why would we not? Why would we not give 100% love?
Why would we give 99%? Why would we give 80%, let alone 10%, 5%?
Why? Because, if love is the connecting force of the universe and if love is the power to unleash creativity and to help humans reach their full potential, why on earth would we not give the future of our society 100% love? It’s crazy.
Of course, babies and children can challenge us. They can trigger us. But, that’s not a reason to not continue to love at 100% because loving unconditionally can only create more love. Of course, we can love with boundaries and we can practice self-love which is very important. We don’t have to love without any kind of structure but, wherever we love, we shine a light and we help others to grow. We are a reflection to babies to encourage them to develop their own self-love.
It’s such a powerful gift that to not give 100% seems mad. This is us investing in the future of our society, in the future of the world.
Imagine if every single baby and child knew that they were 100% loved. Let’s take a moment to just explore that alternate reality of what could happen. Can you imagine if you were 100% loved? If you knew you were 100% loved, 100% safe, 100% secure, 100% worthy. Imagine what you could do. Then, multiply that by the 7.7 billion people on the earth and imagine the love expansion that could happen. Imagine how the resonance of the entire earth would just elevate if we gave 100% love to babies.
Why do we choose to give less? Because, even when behaviour might challenge us, it is still not a reason to not choose love. If we don’t choose love, what are we choosing? Fear, threat control. These are the programs that are put into our heads by our parents, our peer groups, education, employment, governments, the world. That there are limits to what we can do. But, love is limitless. It’s the source of everything. It’s the reason why we’re here.
Changing things so that we give 100% love to babies from birth is a gift to them, to our families, society, to the community, to the world. It is the way forward. When we give 100% love through responsive nurturing care, through early touch techniques, eye contact, through talking to our babies, playing with our babies, and respecting our babies. When we start this practice, this is how a baby knows what love is because we are a reflection to babies. Everything that baby is receiving from us they are taking on as their identity and experience of themselves.
As parents, it’s so important that we practice self-love. Of course, that can be challenging and hard, particularly if you’ve had a difficult childhood yourself, but that’s where love starts. With you. Giving yourself the time and the space and the permission to feel all of the feelings without judgment. Without shame. Without putting yourself in a box that says I’m a good parent, I’m a bad parent. Without comparison. Without control. All of these things are often the programs that run in our heads… and I put my hands up and say, “I have these programs too” but now I have awareness of the program. I’m aware of the reflection of that program in my life and where I can see fear showing up and where I experience love and I get to choose. So, I choose 100% love for me, 100% love for my family, and 100% love for my community. When I feel that I’m not being loving to myself or others, I question, where is this coming from? Why would I not choose 100% love?
It’s a process. It’s a journey. This is not five steps to 100% love or seven parenting strategies to 100% love. No. This is a daily practice. This is learning to love yourself through inquiry, patience, through holding yourself, through listening to yourself and hearing yourself. All of those things that perhaps you didn’t receive as a child yourself because of the way that you were parented. This is your opportunity to re-parent yourself and then parent your children from a place of love, kindness and compassion. I promise you the joy that will flow from this will be immeasurable for you and them.
I ask you: 100% love for babies. Are you with me? Why would we not give 100% and why would we ever give any less than this? If we have a choice, love more, not less. And let’s move to give babies 100% love.